Last week, as I was getting into bed. I grabbed the remote, ready to turn the TV off without even looking. I was officially in music video overload, but when I heard the music, I had no choice but to drop the remote and pay attention to the video. It was “The Fact Is (I Need You)” by Jill Scott from her live performance in Paris. I LOVE this song. I bought Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds, Vol. 1 the day it came out, but didn’t really get into it until about four months later. EVERY morning, I skipped to track 5. I loved the background vocals (doo doo doo doo doo) and Jill’s voice, of course. It wasn’t until I went to her show a year later (my second time seeing her) that I really, really understood the words.
I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you’ve done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
I can’t even lie. Sitting Indian-style in my bed, I was moved to tears. The words are so true and honest. I am, in no way, shunning the whole I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. movement (shout out to Webbie!). In fact, I’m the woman he’s talking about–um, atleast in the chorus. I have my own house, car, work two jobs, yadda yadda. I’m proud of my accomplishments and grateful for my blessings, but that doesn’t mean that I have to shit on men. Independence does not equate to the nonexistence of a man in our lives. We, as women, need men. There, I said it. We need them just like they need us. There are some things the opposite sex provide that only they can. A man can provide security that a pistol with a pink pearl handle can’t. He can provide emotional support and companionship that a best friend or loved one cannot provide. There are times when I get tired of talking to my girls. Sometimes I just want to talk to a man. What’s wrong with that? He can provide physical stimulation (the best when you’re actually compatible) that sex toys and masturbation can’t provide.
The list goes on.
On a broader scale, another reason we need men is to build a stronger foundation in the home. I have two examples.
I’m calling you daddy, daddy
Can you be my daddy, daddy?
I need a daddy, daddy
Won’t you be my daddy, daddy?
Come and make it rain down onnnn meeeeeee
You’ve heard it. This is the chorus to Twista’s single, “Wetter (I Need a Daddy).” First, who knew it was really titled, “Wetter”? Anyway, whenever I hear this song, I’m disgusted. Yeah, the chick singing the hook means “Daddy” in a bedroom, sexual way. I say the very reason for this effed up chorus is the lack of Daddy’s presence in the home. This is why young (and old) girls are jumping into bed with men, giving themselves away whole and settling for blatant disrespect–because Daddy is absent. He isn’t there to tell her she’s beautiful and how valuable she is. He isn’t there to teach her about what men really think about promiscuity (my 10-year-old cousin started her period and my uncle told her the story of the 24-yr-old grandmother he went to high school with!) or told her that men are supposed to open doors for you, not let them slam in your face.
Currently, there’s some syndicated hip-hop radio show playing here. Don’t know who or what it is yet. There’s a topic every night for callers to chime in on. Last week, the question was this (posed by a man): Why can’t women handle being treated well? Is chivalry dead and if so, who killed it?
Surprisingly, the call-ins were dominated by men. One guy made a great point. I’ll paraphrase. Some women don’t know how to handle being treated well because they weren’t taught to know the difference between what’s acceptable and what’s not. Men and young boys don’t have fathers to tell them how to properly treat a woman. They are mostly being raised by single women who don’t have standards themselves. It’s a neverending cycle. Oh, an yeah, WOMEN killed chivalry, not men. A man will do what a woman requires if he is really interested.
Amen to that!
So men, if no one else wants to tell you, I will. I need you. This is coming from a woman who is “independent” and can make it without you. But, I’d rather make it with you.