Holiday Breakups: What To Do
Note: This was supposed to be published in the 2008 Holiday issue of Krave Magazine. I thought about posting after I saw a tweet that said something like, “Shoutout to all the n*ggas who are about to break up w/their ol ladies b/c they can’t afford it.” Wow. It’s written for a man from a woman’s perspective. It got canned due to printing and ad issues. This is copyrighted.
It’s the holiday season and every person you know who is in a relationship is thinking about what to wear to dinner with the parents or what gift to buy his significant other. Everyone, but you, that is. Instead, you’re contemplating breaking things off with your girlfriend. The holidays can be a time of immense joy, but also great sorrow for some. Don’t be the cause of your girlfriend’s unhappiness. To keep your soon-to-be ex from busting the windows out of your car, make sure you end the relationship with as much maturity and integrity as possible. Here are some things to consider when calling it quits during the holidays:
Assess your relationship before shutting it down. Why do you really want to break up? Is your girlfriend really putting a tremendous amount of pressure on you to spend the holidays with her family or is that a perceived sign of commitment that you fear subconsciously? How strong are you feelings for her? Is this a fly-by-night romance or is she here to stay? Is she a help or hinderance to your life’s purpose? Explore the pros and cons of the relationship and decide if the holiday season is really the right time to say goodbye.
Don’t deliberately sabotage the relationship for a way out. Carla, a 29-year-old kindergarten teacher in Houston, Texas knew something was up when her boyfriend started “picking fights over the stupidest things”. When she approached him about his behavior, he accused her of cheating and ended the relationship immediately. She later found out that she wasn’t the only girlfriend on his gift list.
Kicking up dust only creates more work on your part. Rather than point the finger, tackle the real issues at hand (if there are any at all).
Don’t use lack of money for gifts or travel as a valid reason to break up. So you can’t afford that Tiffany and Company jewelry set she’s been “hinting” at for Christmas. Or maybe you don’t want to shell out the money for airfare to her hometown clear across the country. Is this really worth ending the relationship? You may not like it, but you know it’s true: Women desire communication. Talk to her about the issues you are having and come to an agreement that is pleasing to you both. Lack of money is not a reason, but an excuse, to end a relationship.
Timing is everything. The holiday season can be a terrible time to break up with a significant other, but sometimes it has to be done. If fact, the period between the holiday season and Valentine’s Day of the next year is National Breakup Season, according to research conducted by online dating site, Yahoo! Personals. Statistics indicate that people want to begin the New Year with a fresh start, thus vowing to lose weight, kick bad habits and boring and toxic relationships to the curb.
If you think you would be better off as a bachelor, now is not the time to procrastinate. Consider parting ways as early as possible, instead of while you and your girl are trimming the tree together.
If you must call it quits, do it face-to-face. You may have met your sweetie through an online dating service, made your first date via email and even argued via text messages, but you should NEVER break up through any form of electronic media. As two adults, you owe each other respect and nothing says ‘coward’ more than a text message or email. Toni Braxton said it best when she said, ‘Just be a man about it.’
Tip: Meet in a public place to soften the blow.
Honesty is the best policy. The only games that should be played are the ones given as gifts (Madden 2009, anyone?). Be honest about why you have decided to end the relationship. Danielle, a 26-year-old financial analyst in Washington, D.C. says don’t avoid your soon-to-be ex. She had to piece the puzzle together when her boyfriend suddenly stopped calling her before he was to meet her father for the first time for Thanksgiving. “Everything was great (between us), then he literally stopped answering phone calls,” she says. “He wasn’t going to tell me he broke up with me. Eventually, I confronted him and admitted to it. He did it the wrong way.” Don’t burn the bridge of closure. You may have to cross it one day