If I haven’t said it before (and I have), I’m out of shape. After my shameful encounter with the Wii Fit, I decided to actually do something about my pitiful health. I pegged attending a yoga class for something different. How late am I, right? Yoga is so passe’, but I’d never tried so it’s brand new to me. Several days earlier, I went online and found a chic little yoga center that offered beginner’s classes on Saturdays for only $10. I could definitely afford that.
Before I knew it, it was 9 a.m. on Saturday morning. My drapes served as a tight lid on the sunshine and cold air outside my window. It was dark in my bedroom, warm and comfy in bed. The last thing I wanted to do was get out of it, but there was no time for procrastination. It’s Yoga Day. I felt like it was the first day of school.
Fast forward to the arrival. Dressed in my stretch pants and old dance top, I walked in and was almost knocked out cold by the aromatherapy in that piece! There were small statues of Buddha, candles and relaxing music playing in the background. You know, the kind they put on when you get a professional massage.
The hostess, who was as perky as all get-out, greeted me quickly, as other patrons rolled up their yoga mats, sipped mocha lattes and pulled their blonde and brunette bobs out of ponytail holders. I was just about to give everyone in there my infamous side-eye, but instead I put on a smile and said, “Hi, I’m here for the beginner’s class…This is my first time.” The hostess gave me a look like as if to say, “You don’t say, huh?”
I was a yoga virgin about to be touched for the very first time.
To seal the deal on my thoughts about this experience before it even started, a box of gourmet candies was setting on the front desk. Women, left and right, were digging in with their bare hands, devouring the stuff, all while saying, “Oh God! Aren’t these fabulous??”
Now I know yoga is of Indian origin, but….this scene that I was in? This was some white shit. I would know because I was the only black person there. Maybe the only one who’d been there ever.
Anywhoo, let the yoga begin! The studio was packed. While everyone else was lying on mats, meditating, I was still trying to figure out what the blankets were for. The instructor, a petite, wiry lady with short hair entered the room and immediately started talking with her eyes closed. I just fell into the groove, I guess. I wanted to be a good little yoga student, so I mirrored the instructor to perfection. I stretched every part of my body. Shit, I thought this was for beginners!
That pic is hilarious to me, btw!! I can do that and don’t ask me how I know.
A few things I learned from one hour and fifteen minutes of yoga:
1. I can’t listen well with my eyes closed. Is that crazy or what? I actually need to see the person who’s talking. Doesn’t make sense because I talk on the phone with my eyes closed all the time. I guess that’s usually when I’m about to doze off though. Doesn’t count.
2. Breathing shouldn’t be that hard. I mean, it’s only a means in which you stay alive. That inhale-exhale thing had me a little confused.
3. I have absolutely no balance on my left side. Thank God for the “tree stance” against the wall.
4. I have terrible posture, sitting down.
The moral of the story is: Always try something new or out of the box for you. I actually enjoyed the class, but I admit I’ll need a few more beginner classes to really get into it. I don’t even mind being the only brown person there—as long as they don’t ask me where they can take hip-hop aerobics classes.