If you haven’t already, meet this guy. He’s a 30-something single professional who wants to help the ladies out by giving us the (sometimes harsh) truth about relationships and sex. I’ll be posting questions and answers periodically. If you have a question, email BecauseISaidSoBlog@gmail.com.
Note: Are some of these answers new concepts? Maybe, maybe not. But as long as we continue to ask the same questions, we just might not find out anything new. Keep in mind, that when one is in love, he/she might not see clearly. What’s obvious to you may not be the person inquiring. Now, on to the second round of questions. (Don’t shoot the messenger–me!)
To those men who are afraid of commitment, why are you?
I don’t think there is really a FEAR of commitment, but more of a rationalization among men that it’s in their best interest NOT to commit. For example, a single woman in her 30s is almost always ready to get married, like yesterday! She might have been loose all through the streets from ages 16 to 29, but now that she is searching for a husband, she has an entirely new set of rules, regulations and guidelines for the guy she is going to date. (“He has to have this, he can’t do that” No sex until 2 months and all kind of dumb rules that she made up.)
On the flip side, a man in his 30s is still listening to rap music and playing Playstation 3. If he took care of his business, he should now have more money, common sense and swag than he has ever had. He isn’t too old to date a 23-year-old and isn’t too young to date a 37-year-old. So when he is given the option (a) Commit to me, and jump through all of these hoops to gain my affection, or (b) Stay Single and date all the pretty women you want and don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing…it’s an obvious choice. Why would he do all that work for YOU when there are a gang of women that are willing to work for HIM?
The dating game has shifted, and this is a MAN’s market now. If sisters would lighten up on some of their requirements and expectations, maybe they wouldn’t have such a hard time getting a man to commit to them. Every single thing that YOU won’t do for him, there are literally 10 other women BEGGING to do them for him, if he is indeed a “good” man. It seems like every woman wants to give 100 percent to something and feels a void if there is nothing or no one she can focus all her energies on. Often a man doesn’t need 100 percent to be completely happy in a committed relationship, so about 85 percent is sufficient for most active men.
Conflict about commitment will always arise when a woman gives 100 percent and expects the same in return, because she may be expecting it from someone who doesn’t have it to give to a relationship because they choose to focus on other projects.
How do you make the decision to propose to a woman? What makes you do it?
There really isn’t a single methodology that a man uses when he decides to propose. He just knows that it’s his time to take the next step. He does it because he knows that’s what his woman desires, and he has decided to do all in his power to make her happy.
How do men really feel about interracial dating or social interactions with women of other cultures, etc.?
Most men would love to date and interact with women of other cultures. Black women seem to frown upon men who find mates who aren’t black women. Quite frankly, a lot of those women are easier to get along with on a daily basis, less demanding, more forgiving and giving than a “typical” black woman. A lot of those women are more attractive, as well. If given the choice, about 99 percent of black men would choose to date a woman of another culture if for no reason other than she is “different” from what all the other guys have.
How important is God in your life?
God plays various roles in the lives of men. One of the qualities that women list when they discuss “good” men is “God fearing”. However, a lot of those very same women don’t “fear” God themselves. A man doesn’t have to be a devout believer to be a “good” man. He may do everything that you want him to do except go to church every Sunday and for some women that is a deal breaker. No person is perfect, and belief in God and regular Sunday church attendance is a “learned’ behavior. As long as he treats you right, you should ease him into regular Sunday attendance if that is important to you.
Why can’t men take honesty when they ask questions?
A man (not a boy in men’s clothing) can accept honesty and won’t ask you a question he isn’t prepared to accept your answer to. If he doesn’t want you to be honest or doesn’t “accept” honesty when he asks you a question, then there is work within himself that needs to be done. He may also not be being completely honest with you when you ask him a question.
What makes you bored in a relationship?
Boredom comes from doing the same things with the same person over and over again. Getting caught up in a routine is not good for any relationship. If he knows you are only going to have sex with him on Friday night and Sunday morning before church, he is going to eventually become frustrated that he can’t do it on a Wednesday or Saturday. Always having to handle “family” business and not having time or money to do anything just for the sake of fun is definitely boredom. Switch up the routine from time to time to keep the fun in your relationship. Do active things! Going to the movies is NOT active..lol. Role play! Go out of Town! Anything aside from the normal routine will fight off his boredom with the relationship.